The amount of questions I wish could be revealed to me have been selfishly ignored.
If only it were proper to ask questions like I wish, maybe my head wouldn't be flopping in the ability to even soak up the concepts of people's actions.
I mean, what do they mean?
People have such ulterior motives for everything.
I swear that if an action was like a scratchcard, there would always be some motive to be found underneath.
It's like seeing scratchcards in a case, and you can't afford to lose to gain them and get the answers, which might even be worse because there is probably things hidden that shouldn't be found.
There's no telling what people want, or expect of me, or think about me without being straightforward.
I wish I was just given the answers. I wish that the confusing people would go up to me and tell me.
Come on, if you want to tell me something, then do it! I am always willing to hear. I would always like to know. whatever it is, I'll never make fun of you, or talk about you. I wish people wouldn't be so cautions and tippy toe about their every move in life.
And ti's because of other people I wouldn't dare try to find out myself.
I have been broken out of my innocence like someone cracking a thin, delicate egg. I know to trust no one. I wouldn't risk uncomfortable and even friendship-ending questions.
But, dammit, where's the answers?!
There's no solution. People have extremely complex, unbreakable minds that do things and know things, and no one can find out what they mean. What do they really mean when they say this, or tell me that, or act like this to me, or be like that to me? It's solving a 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle without the picture on the box, and no-one around to help. You just sit in the heap of taunting pieces, and only are able to crack the code on the very outside. You can never go further, because everything is there to puzzle you. No one said the puzzle hoped you'd finish it. It just does what it does to confuse you because that's what it's here for. And that's how I feel about most humans I meet.
Some I talk to enough to get deeper, but most others I see enough to care about but not enough to get them are unsolvable unless I were to rudely ask.
I feel like the people that I need answers from are just using me to puzzle with, like the are trying to keep up in their life and I'm in it, and they will put me in a different place until they need me, and if they do want or need me will do a thousand odd things to make me come out again, which in no way seriously would be the right way to straightforwardly do so.
I wish people came with manuals.
life is a path, death a destination. - demon hunter
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